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dawn-moths · 5 months ago

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Hello how are you can I request Ronald with at frist shy looking and inocennt s/o,but she is actually really nasty and freaky and like some smut in there to i would be most thankfull i love your blog,lots of love😘😘

hello!! |˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ

i hope you like what i came up with. enjoy!

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Ronald Knox x Female Reader

word count: 4,000+

disclaimer/content warning: 18+ content! minors dni! smut, reader is described as being/dressing feminine, reader is called “good girl, baby” and referred to as "princess", the nickname “daddy” is used for Ron, sub/dom dynamics, size difference, finger sucking, reader is carried, minimal prep, masochist reader, rough sex, biting, choking, hair pulling, nipple play, cock warming, aftercare.

***

It always starts this way, it seems.

What begins as otherwise harmless kissing quickly evolves into something much more explicit. Much more obscene.

Because, just before things start to get a little more heated, you find yourself straddling Ron’s lap, your mouth hovering over his as you both breathe in each other’s air, panting like dogs left out in the afternoon heat.

You, his precious baby with the face of an angel and the mind of a little devil only he’s allowed to know.

You, his own personal little porn star.

And you’re shameless. Eager. So enticing that it takes every ounce of will he has not to just hook his thumbs into the waistband of those pretty lace panties he knows you love to wear and tear them to shreds, to push you back and pin you down to the couch and fuck you until there’s tears in your eyes and your voice has gone raspy and raw from all the sounds of pleasure he’s forced from your throat.

You, his shy little sex kitten, always teasing him in those skirts that are just a little too short, those necklines that are just a little too low, your body’s soft curves the kind that the ancient Greeks used to sculpt statues of, chipping away at cold marble until a woman was found somewhere among the jagged rock. Reverent. Ethereal. Sacred.

Only for him.

Only, you do feel a little bit of shame, if you were being completely honest with yourself. It makes itself known in the way your cheeks heat, in the way your blood goes icy-hot with embarrassment at how you must look like this. How debauched and needy and on your way to no doubt becoming a complete and utter mess by the time this session is over.

But that’s the thing about you.

The more shy you acted now, the more desperate and dirty you’d be for him later.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Ron asked with one of those soft, charming grins spreading across his spit-shined lips, his voice low and soothing. He gently gripped your chin between his fingers and turned your face, which you’d momentarily tried to hide by nuzzling it into your shoulder, back up towards him, coaxing your nervous gaze to follow. “What is it?” he further questioned, though with a lilt of an amused chuckle laced into his hushed tone. “Things movin’ a little too fast for ya?”

In response, all you could manage was a squeak and another attempt to retreat and hide your shy little expressions from him again, but he was faster that time and caught you before you could really escape. When his smile refused to falter you knew he wasn’t going to let you off easy.

“No, no, no,” he said, tone woven with mischievous mirth. “Don’t hide…” Then, leaning in close to whisper in your ear, his lips nearly brushing the shell of it as his warm breath wafted against your neck, he murmured, “Seeing you get all flustered is one of my favorite parts…”

Ron knew that your whole sweet-and-innocent act was merely a mask to cover what you both knew was really true about you. And that was the undeniable fact that you were quite the little masochist. You liked it when he got rough with you. Left you a trembling mess by the end of the night after covering you in the shape of his bite and several shades of bruises from the press of his fingertips.

But, even so, it wasn’t like that shyer side of you was entirely fake, either.

Your innocence, whether it was surface level or not, was one of the things that had drawn Ron towards you in the first place, after all. Because who didn’t love a girl who seemed like a little darling on the outside only to discover what a little devil she was hiding underneath all those coy smiles and cute little dresses and lacy lingerie.

Your tender sweetness also happened to pair well with Ron’s proclivity to tease.

“Don’t be mean…” you whined, the corners of your mouth pulling down into one of those adorable little pouts Ron loved to be the cause of.

At this, Ron merely let out another one of those low, borderline sinister chuckles under his breath. He placed both his hands on your hips, readjusted your position over his lap to spread your thighs a little further, pulling where you were no doubt becoming more sensitive and needy down to brush against where his own arousal was growing from under his trousers.

Upon feeling him rubbing against your core you couldn’t help but let out a helpless little whimper, the first flare of impatient need coming to life inside of you.

“Y’know…” Ron reminded you, reveling in every little wiggle or squirm he felt wrack through your body as he pressed you even closer against him, “if you just tell Daddy what you want, it’ll be a whole lot easier for him to give it to you…”

You were shy…

Until you weren’t.

“I want…” you began, voice a shaky little plea. “I want your fingers in my mouth, Daddy…”

The request came out as more whisper than words, your head feeling dizzy from the rush of blood that raced upward to burn from your chest to the tips of your ears even hotter than before, the embarrassment almost enough to cancel out your eagerness, though not quite.

“Oh yeah?” Ron taunted, a slight growl to his voice now as he felt his own desires threaten to spill over the edge, the arousal welling to the brim within him from the thought of it alone. “Well then…” He pressed the pad of his thumb to the plush of your lower lip, gently pulling down to coax your sweet little mouth open wider for him. “Guess I have no choice but to deliver on what my baby needs…”

Slipping one of his long, slender fingers along the slick warmth of your tongue, then two, feeling you sucking the digits down further until they disappeared all the way up to the seam of his palm, your throat bobbing as the tips of his fingers brushed against the back of your gag reflex, Ron couldn’t help but gulp as well, trying to keep his composure the best he could.

“God, baby…” he sighed, as if in prayer. You curled your tongue around him, coating his fingers further in your thick saliva, at which point Ron slowly pulled them free, dragging them flat across your tongue and shuddering at the thought of how your mouth would feel encasing other parts of his body, before wiping some of your spit across your kiss-swollen lips.

The more disheveled or dirty you became, the more beautiful Ron thought you were.

“Daddy…?” you asked, that syrupy shyness drizzled back over the word like you were still his innocent little angel causing his cock to twitch in his pants. You didn’t miss the way he was beginning to shift and squirm as well, likely just as impatient as you now, if not more so. “Do you wanna…?” You glanced over your shoulder at where the bedroom door was open just a crack, as if trying to tempt you with the promise of what lay inside.

Ron followed your line of sight, glancing back to you when you turned to meet his emerald gaze again. A smirk fissured across his boyishly handsome features, his own little demon stirring back to life.

He nudged your nose with his, hummed out a melodic note of affirmation, and then, the next thing you knew, he was hoisting you up to carry you, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as his big palms cushioned the backs of your soft thighs, the silky flesh spilling between his strong grip.

He nudged open the door with his foot before swinging it closed in the same manner, not wasting a second before he had you lying back on the bed, pinned beneath him like a rare butterfly he’d worked hard to collect and had no intention of letting go.

Grabbing up both your wrists in one of his fists, Ron used his free hand to begin pushing your skirt up around your waist, fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs and rising a wave of chills over you, taking a moment to knead you there as you gently writhed under his hold, trying to squeeze your legs together to create even just a little bit of friction for yourself. But Ron recognized instantly what you were trying to do and coaxed your legs back apart, wanting to be the one to get you worked up himself.

You knew your panties must be soaked by now, the expensive lace likely ruined just from his teasing alone, but it wasn’t until he slipped two of his lithe fingers in through the side to glide through your delicate, drenched folds that you truly realized just what a mess you really were.

Ron let out an amused, prideful breath of a laugh. “So wet for me…” he half praised, half teased, applying pressure to your throbbing clit, making a gasp and one of those delectable little whines escape from your throat. “Just like that…” he said, rubbing skillful circles against the tender, swollen little bud. “So good for me,” he cood. “Always such a good girl…”

He let go of your wrists to use both hands to begin removing the ruined lace from you, encouraging you to help him in discarding it along with your skirt, and once you were left bare below the waist for him, Ron took a moment to admire you like that, all spread and vulnerable for his eyes only.

“So beautiful, baby…” he sighed, entranced. “You’re perfect…”

Ron thought you had the prettiest pussy he’d ever seen, all pink and glistening like the dewy petals of a rose, but he knew that the sight of it was nothing compared to how it felt squeezing around his cock. It was a sensation he was addicted to. Just the mere memory of your most recent time together was enough to make him feel like he could lose all control, becoming more desperate to satisfy his desire by the minute.

Lucky for him though, he knew you liked it rough, so if he didn’t take the full time needed to prep you, you wouldn’t necessarily hold it against him.

You both were still half clothed, and the humidity of the room and the body heat being exchanged between you two was near stifling. You needed the rest of your clothes off soon or else you’d become so hot and frazzled you’d hardly be able to think. Not that you needed to when in Ron’s hands. He already knew what you wanted, what you liked, though, lucky for you, he also wanted the rest of your clothing off.

“Arms up,” Ron told you, already gathering the hem of your top in his hands, halfway to tugging it up your chest, eyes unable to help but catch on the sight of the pretty matching bra that currently cradled your breasts. You obeyed without hesitation and soon found yourself fully exposed, the room now feeling a few degrees cooler.

Ron began hastily unbuckling his belt, the strain of his erection having grown painful with how hard it was trying to free itself from his trousers. He quickly discarded the remainder of his clothing, biting back a groan as he took his pulsing length in his hand, though couldn’t stop the punched out, “Fuck—” that escaped his lips when he slid it between the silky petals of your dewy folds, gathering more of your slick before lining himself up with your tight little entrance.

You wanted him to take his time, allow you to feel every vein and ridge of him, but for as much as Ron usually indulged you, it seemed that tonight time was going to have to wait.

“Now be a good girl for me,” he instructed, already sounding halfway to being out of breath, “and hold still for Daddy—”

With his hands gripping your hips hard enough for bruises to bloom beneath his fingers and one quick, harsh thrust, Ron buried himself down to the hilt inside of you. You let out a broken cry, head thrown back and neck craning as you felt yourself suddenly split by the familiar aching pleasure his cock provided.

And it hurt.

It hurt so much.

But you fucking loved it.

“That’s it, baby…” Ron panted, hunching over you while you both took a moment to adjust to each other’s bodies. “Good girl… Always so good at taking my cock…”

He was peppering chaste little kisses along your temple and jaw, a feeble attempt to distract you from the stringing stretch he’d just forced your body to endure as well as an apology for the soreness he knew you’d feel tomorrow because of it, a thin sheen of sweat already beginning to break out over the both of you.

But soon, all you could focus on was the slow drip of euphoria that was on its way to taking over your brain, some of the pain numbing as it gave way to pleasure.

When Ron first began moving, it was slow and rhythmic, all prior rush gone from his intentions. But the more your cunt clenched around him, the more erratic he seemed to become, hips stuttering in their motions as he struggled to keep a consistent rhythm. And by the time you were whimpering out a pathetic little, “Choke me,” well…

Ron just about lost it.

One hand rested over the delicate curve of your throat, Ron wanting to feel the hammering of your pulse for a moment before he cut off your air supply. Your eyes glittered up at him through the low light, so much love and trust and dangerous desire all wrapped up in your gaze. He held you in suspense for a moment, waiting until the frantic rise and fall of your chest slowed to something much steadier and controlled. Then, after you took your next inhale, his grip tightened, squeezing around your neck and making your eyes roll when you realized, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t breathe.

Not unless he allowed you to.

Ron kept careful count of the time going by though, knowing your limits, having committed them to memory, and when you first gave his wrist a tap he knew you were backing out prematurely. When he refused your first request, he felt your pussy flutter around him, the adrenaline on the verge of surging through you and breaking away into panic. Your vision started to blur and you tapped again, and that time, Ron obliged.

You sucked in a gasp of air, panting in shorter, more panicked breaths for a moment while his hand still rested over your throat as he admired you like that.

He’d ruin you and you’d gladly let him.

But something then seemed to occur to him as his fingers traced down to the line of your collarbones and the supple flesh of your breasts.

Those perked little nipples of yours were looking awfully neglected. And what kind of boyfriend would Ron be if he let that stand?

You let out a squeak when his mouth found the first pebbled bud, being gentle at first, teasing you with his lips and tongue until you were arching your back to push further into the wet warmth of his mouth. Ron had to hold your hips down as you began to squirm, wanting to feel every little shiver, tremble, and twitch your body made as he granted you more pleasure, each reaction felt as your cunt massaged his girth to varying degrees.

As his mouth tended to one side, his fingers took care of the other, only switching when he felt like your reactions became less intense. You were so sensitive everywhere he touched you, it seemed, so delicate to his ministrations, he could play you like a harp. And, in return, you’d make the most beautiful, melodic music for him as his fingers pulled at your strings, your moans the prettiest sound he’d ever heard.

But once your stomach started clenching in rapid succession, Ron knew he had to take a short intermission on this song you two were composing together. Just long enough to ensure you made it through to the encore, at least.

Lifting one of your legs, Ron threw it over one of his freckled shoulders to spread you even wider for him, sinking in so deep you swore you could feel him in your tummy, the mere implication making another rolling wave of arousal course through you and causing Ron to breathe out another one of those helpless, stuttering curses. His muscles clench as he rolls his hips in to meet yours, back to being slow and controlled.

But you needed more.

You needed it rougher.

“Harder…” you pleaded, breathless and wanting.

Ron readjusted the both of you, once again taking your wrists in his grip and pinning them both beside your head, something to anchor you down for what came next, but you coaxed him to let you lock your fingers with his. It feels more intimate his way, and already knowing how rough he can get when you ask for it you feel better knowing that this simple act of handholding will help to balance out the consequences of his strength.

Ron starts to pick up speed, each time pulling almost all the way out before spearing his cock back into you, likely hard enough to ensure he was going to have to take care of you all day tomorrow, his poor little baby too sore and raw to even get out of bed on her own.

But that’s ok.

That’s what he’s here for, after all.

His glasses begin to fog and his breathing is reduced to shallow panting, the shimmering veil of sweat that covers you both thickening under the growing humidity emanating from your bodies.

When the next request to roll off your tongue is a slurred whine of, “Bite me, Daddy…” Ron doesn’t hesitate that time. He lets go of your wrists, leans down and sinks his teeth into the tender spot between your neck and shoulder, letting out a desperate whine of his own when you followed up with a pained, shuddering exhale of, “Harder—”

You let out a yelp as you thrash beneath him, Ron increasing the pressure until the skin breaks and he tastes blood. But he doesn’t let go. Not yet. Because your trembling little hands have formed tight fists in his strawberry blonde locks, pulling so hard at the roots that his scalp prickles with sharp, staticky pain. Just when it was becoming too much, you yanked his head back hard enough that he takes the cue to unlatch his bite from your flesh, pink-tinted strands of saliva keeping his mouth connected to the new wound he’s gifted you for a moment before he created enough distance to have them break.

You were both panting and shaking, like two animals on the verge of death, and when he saw the vicious red indents carved out in the shape of his mouth, saw the blood that was trying to well in the deepest parts of the injury where his incisors had pierced straight through, Ron felt a small sense of dread for a moment. Because, as much as this has become to be expected between the two of you sometimes, he couldn’t help but fear he might go too far. That he might hurt you for real, in a way you wouldn’t get some sick sense of pleasure from, and that you’d stare up at him with fear instead of love.

But, looking down at you now, all he can seem to find as he searches your gaze is that beautiful, tender adoration that he’s pretty sure he would die without at this point.

But now it was time to finish this.

You were both close to the edge.

Ron preferred when you fell together.

Once again, his motions become rhythmic and savoring, ever the master of the push and pull between control and carnality, though kept up the speed needed to match each other’s oncoming orgasms.

He’d come to know your body so well, how it reacted and responded to his, that the moment he felt your stomach return to its rapid fluttering, like a little bird taking flight, legs tensing as your cunt constricted around his cock harder than before, he knew you were mere seconds away from coming undone. After three more thrusts, he’s right there with you, spilling his balmy warmth into your tight wet heat as you gush your glistening arousal all over his cock, both of you making a mess of each other in tandem before all that heady tension begins to slowly bleed away, leaving the both of you to fall slack and satisfied, the air heavy with the scent of your unrestricted love.

But Ron doesn’t pull out just yet. He likes to feel the aftershocks, the way your pussy flutters weakly around him as he goes soft, both of your combined juices drooling out of your abused little hole and staining the bedsheets below while your bodies are still one.

Once some of his senses returned to him, Ron carefully pulled out, bringing a trail of cum along with his blushing cock, and scooped you up in his arms so you could lay draped across his damp chest, his hair a tangled, tousled mess and his glasses smudged, yet something about him being disheveled like that only added to his charm.

He liked to let you doze off, if you wanted to, gently stroking your arm or your back or your hip with one hand while your eyelids became increasingly heavier until they had no choice but to fall closed, allowing him to tend to you once you’d fallen asleep. But when his fingers lightly traced along your shoulder and you winced, sucking in a small, sharp hiss, Ron remembered the mark he left there, the blood having rusted over to glaze the wound closed, but only just barely. Now that some of the adrenaline had worn off, he knew you must feel the sting, all the cuts and bruises he’s caused you flaring back to life and pulsing with the aftermath of the pain.

“I’ll be right back, baby,” he whispers to you as he carefully shifts you over to lay your heavy head on the pillow, venturing into the bathroom to gather all the things he needs to help nurse some of those wounds born from the heat of the moment.

You wait patiently for him to return, blinking open half-lidded eyes to gaze up at him as he reclaimed his seat on the edge of the bed. He praises you as he cleans the bite, tells you what a good girl you were for him, how brave you are when he dabs some disinfectant on the imprint of his teeth and you barely even whimper at the sting of the salve. He looks over your neck, the bruises darkening, and asks you if it still hurts. You shake your head, say you can barely even feel that one, and he hums out a note that alludes to being pleased, but also hints at something secretly prideful as well.

Because who would’ve been able to guess what a high tolerance for pain his perfect little princess hid so skillfully from those around her, a dirty, sinful little secret concealed beneath cute, flouncy little outfits and pretty hair and glossy lips.

But, the best part, it was a tolerance only Ron got to test.

A standard he got to help create.

“I know it hurts, baby…” Ron murmurs as he carefully cleans your sore little hole with a warm washcloth, gently dragging it through your folds to collect all the cum that’s begun to glaze over your skin and harden into salty crystals. “But you’re being so good. Almost done…”

Once he’d dressed you in one of his oversized t-shirts and placed a goodnight kiss to your forehead, Ron tucked you in under a clean blanket and returned to the bathroom to take care of his own mess. He tried to make it quick, knowing there’s a good chance you’d already be asleep before he’s able to curl up next to you, but when he returns and you’re still awake, he can’t help but give you another one of those soft smiles.

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” he kindly reminded you, though he’s glad you did.

When his chest is pressed to your back, his warm arms wrapped around your middle, you unexpectedly shift to turn and face him. He considered you with a slightly puzzled glance, but then you were leaning forward to press your lips to his, your tongue teasing at one corner of his mouth before pulling back.

“There was a little blood,” you told him, those adorable doe-eyes of yours that could just about hypnotize him glittering in the dark, “but I got it…”

Ron sighed out a tired chuckle through his nose as he tugged you in closer to his chest, letting you get comfortable as you found the right angle to intertwine your legs.

“Night, baby,” he cooed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too…” you replied, already sounding halfway to a dream.

And, as if he ever needed a reminder, Ron falls asleep feeling like the luckiest man alive.

Lucky, because he’s the only one in the entire world who gets to call you his.

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dykedvonte · 2 months ago

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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

-💀

It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it #already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus #he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans #like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects #like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend #pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years #with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to #realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia #from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h #he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is #giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he #because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough #that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing #damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b #stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons #are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou #his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause #it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his #friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus #cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken #that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go #you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a #condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin #they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

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spaciebabie · 2 months ago

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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little #''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL #thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them #they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie #i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING #bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit #staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after #this shit sucks dude. it sucks #at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades #im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there #so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone #ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time #i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate #how many days have i been alive #7930 #lightwork #lets keep it goin #vent #trauma tw #trauma mention #wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier #before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced #i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people

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sluckythewizard · 7 months ago

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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

#cw gore #WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE #STILL A WIP #SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY #THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN #ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY #NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS #BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT #THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT #I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE #THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT #DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES #NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART #THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER #PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN #YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE #LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT #anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming #why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake #OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc #i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre

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houndfaker · 2 years ago

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another summer put to bed

#persona 3 #p3 #p3p #aigis #yukari takeba #quinn moment #quinn drawings #not intended to be ship i just really really think about their relationship post-great seal all the time a lot #the answer putting them parallel to each other was like the most mental illness inducing thing fes couldve done to me #i think things between them are sort of hectic. tense sometimes. messy a lot of the times.#they continue the struggle of trying to understand one another #but they're there for one another.#thats the most important thing #UH this is specifically set in the twins au for myself and my bestie but its also totally up to interpretation idc

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greasydumbfuck · 6 months ago

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also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s #like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad #ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better #not happy but yk better #but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people #as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at #he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me #sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh #nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state #eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this #i dont think he should have to be alone like this #bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers #brain is fried.

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sydmarch · 20 days ago

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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy

#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing #& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after #dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are #worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding #variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you #like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill #the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of #shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think #are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that #& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like #what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i #cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try #& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific #parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list #like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it #doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me #but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like #I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like #a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it #be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of #just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet #anyways #texticles

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faaun · 4 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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ghosts-devilman-wip · 17 days ago

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Dumping out devilman thoughts today.

I know I'm far from the first person to think about this, but I don't feel like it's given enough attention. What I'm talking about is the really noticeable lack of discussion about god as a character/driving force throughout the story (and I mean the lack of discussion on the fandom's end as well as within the stories.)

Like, you really have the all-powerful being who is the only thing in existence with the true ability to completely stop the war - to completely halt the cycle of violence. But they never intervene. Not until humans and devils have all destroyed one another. Not until Lucifer has finally killed Akira, and he's all that's left, alone on a rock on a decimated earth, watching the stars and expounding on the concept of love to a cooling corpse.

THEN god intervenes. To scorch it all and start it over again, only for the same story to play out time and time again. The only consistent exception to this, really, is whenever divine force is shot down in the beginning phases of the war. Though usually, this just ends up causing destruction in a different way. It never saves anyone, it just overpowers a show of force from the devil's side.

You could make the argument that god isn't the same all-powerful being here that he's seen as being in a larger cultural sense outside of this story. But I'd both disagree and say that's a bad take. He clearly carries more power than anyone else, as again, when he does intervene it overpowers everything else. And yeah there's the idea that he didn't make devils, but that doesn't make sense to me either. So much of this story is based both on christian mythology (or dantes inferno, but still).

To rewrite the concept of god in this way. And to practically ignore this character's existence. ESPECIALLY in a story that is so much about the cycle of violence and the failings of humanity. It does the whole thing such an injustice.

In devilman, the war between devils and humans is ultimately constructed by god himself. Because it all comes back to the fact that he had to have created the devils in some manner - how else would they have come about? - and then tossed them aside to make room for humans. Running parallel to the way he tossed aside one of his own angels for going against god's authority. An angel who then went to the devils, joined with them and led them toward liberation.

What else were the devils supposed to do? What else was Lucifer supposed to do?

God is absent from the story until there's nothing left. Then he does it all over again. For what? To punish lucifer and the devils? Again and again for their refusal to lay down and die quietly? And it's not to protect humans - how many human lives are destroyed in the process?

God is absent from this story and we continue to let him be. We focus so much on Akira and Ryo, and on trying to save them and rewrite their connection into something that can be saved. We try to rewrite it so Miki lives, and the war is averted. But that doesn't make sense to me.

This story has already been written to be a tragedy. The omniscient, all-powerful god of the story has decided that's what it's meant to be.

As long as lucifer lives to the end of the story, it will be scrapped and retold again and again. And if lucifer were to die? That would still be a tragedy, let's be honest.

The cycle of violence has already been set in motion, and it will not be stopped so easily. That's important to me. Because ultimately, erasing the tragedy of it suggests there would be an easy solution to the world's problems - that escaping oppression is as simple as being kind and quiet in the face of your own eradication, that stopping a war is as simple as crying in front of the right person, and that making the right choices are as easy as listening to what you're told is "good."

Devilman is a tragedy, but I don't think that's inherently nihilistic. I think it can make you think and ask questions and consider layers to the problem. It will not give answers, because it's not that easy - because if we had those answers then the world wouldn't be the way it is. What we see at the end isn't meant to be a prediction, or even a threat. It's simply null - this is complex and painful, and our characters were not able to figure it out, because of that. Possibly, very likely, because they were not able to see outside of their own perspectives and drives (who could? At a certain point, that would mean abandoning feeling. There's a reason Michael is the most unsettling character in any of the stories to me.)

I mean, sure. God always had an easy answer. He probably wants the story to go this way.

#idk if theres an actual single point here #and i dont think this is anything novel #i think most people who like devilman like it specifically because of the humanity it gives devils and lucifer #the way it questions christianitys view of good and bad #god is considered a villain and i know thats nothing new #but i feel like we never really talk about it #and the story never touched on it enough #i feel like that does the whole thing a disservice #anyway i have a headache and im tired but im also right #maybe ill add to this later once my thoughts start making more sense #part of how i would present this story would involve putting more attention on god as a villain #and on the way so many of these characters struggles are orchestrated by bigger hands than the ones trying to fix them #on how solving the problem will never be as simple as killing the enemy right in front of you #even if it isnt completely ineffectual #that ceo was gunned down in the street #lets be real its not going to change much #it didnt do nothing and id be lying if i didnt say the dude was based for doing it #but its not going to fix the problem #it could potentially be a step #time will tell i think #im rambling at this point #my point is this story is a tragedy for a reason #and its because god is the villain that it can never be anything but a tragedy #thats not nihilistic because in real life i dont believe in god #i dont believe the source of the problem is something untouchable and all powerful #but its bigger than two people #my point is devilman is a tragedy and its better that way #i need a nap #devilman

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skitskatdacat63 · 11 months ago

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Orb...

+ process kinda

#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL #i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb #im very happy w it so thats why im posting #idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig #lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not #im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things #and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works #and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane #but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis #or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever #yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY #had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis #and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics #catie.art.

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headphonemouse · 1 year ago

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Ch. 427

Shin Yoosung pulling out premature grey hair on my head tackled the boy immediately.

I can't believe I forgot about kdj's premature grey hairs. Post epilogue dokjoong bald4bald

#leon rereads orv #orv spoilers #did he always have the grey hairs or was that the result of. of you know. i dont think i can even list it all #the last time he died was when he went to the demon realm soooo hes gotten electrocuted a couple times‚ fought several hard battles #almost died many times‚ uhh most recently there was the bfndnsnx #i was gonna say the battle with the apocalypse dragon and defending against its tail flick but like thats not even the most recent thing #the most recent thing was being bullied by the outer gods in N'Gai's Forest #which was more stressful enduring the torment of outer gods or being surrounded by small yjhs because only one of those things made #him pass out #do you think subconsiously he felt it was safe to pass out in front of the kkomas because theyre all yjh? because on several occasions he's #struggled really hard and succeeded in not losing consciousness because he felt he was in great danger #like he sorta knew he got kidnapped by the number 1 outer god but in that situation since cjsjfndmw #what am i saying #'he recognized yjh so he felt safe to let the shock of the situation take away his consciousness' how can you be comfortable enough #to pass out #makes no sense #still though...

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thecoolerbrother · 3 months ago

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i think something moonage daydream was really good at doing was capturing a vibe

#sir.txt #the thing it was second best at was painting a picture... that movie is a watercolor rendition of a galaxy to me #i feel like the linear progression of bowie's life in the movie never being marked by any specific dates not even years... it gives it that #not cut and dry feeling. none of these events exist solely in one day of one year they are something that will span longer than ourselves #one day- a couple of hours- stretched into infinity simply by the fact that they were not confined within a date #i think that's something worthy of bowie. to be immortalized not through the medium itself but by how the medium refuses to cage him within #any set parameters that would be too extreme and unsatisfying for him would he be there to choose #instead letting him trespass all those barriers and just be and transcend #my boyfriend says the film is like bowies superstar cosmic journal well i say the film is like bowies watercolor rendition of a galaxy in #formation- and all the stars are still forming and the watercolor still hasn't dried as another layer is added so shades melt within-into-#each other #like how bowie refused to keep himself caged within one style one look one identity he surpassed all of those boundaries and transformed #into something else... it is only fair that the film capture it in a similar way... all of the flashy colors and editing is just a #projection of bowies spirit itself in all its vibrancy and extravagance without being supercilious #this movie was touching but also fun for the sake of fun and eccentric for the sake of eccentricity. it's a must watch for whoever loves #bowie at his most raw and unrestrained and undefined... i felt like falling through the screen to bw held by him at several moments #BECAUSE that's what the movie is it's the galaxy wrapping its arms around the unknowing astronaut #and welcoming them into itself because nobody in this reality is actually an outsider of life- nobody passively observes the universe-#that's something that i found very moving in the film was how bowie surpassed that feeling of all-encompassing loneliness that was #what propeled him to create art... and found acceptance and loving and understood he wasn't alien to all of it.#it's very moving again like i said. but specially movingfor someone like me who struggles so hard not to simply idly observe things and let #life reject me. I can't keep letting these things write themselves into existence over and over and maybe just maybe #that film helped me snap back into a higher sense of lucidity where i realise i have to take control of my life #but like. anyway.#bowies life is very mythologised but in part it is very much a self constructed myth which he himself took the time to skillfully architect #and its such that myth ceases to be only in suspension and untangible: bowie being extraterrestrial.#he.... he integrates so much into the planet he does become an energy traversing through earth. he becomes life itself but in the least self #important way this sentiment could be expressed.#there will never be another bowie- as there will never be another dylan or reed or lennon. there will never be circumstances which will come #but to quote the movie. his life hasnt ended. only changed. thats beautiful. anyways my tags are up

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dykedvonte · 2 months ago

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Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)

Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭

What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is

-💀

I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.

If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.

The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.

If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.

I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.

It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.

In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.

In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.

They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.

If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.

I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.

#this is long cause theres so many ideas to play with here and how jimmy and Curly would work but the specifc things happening with Anya #like if she wasnt pregnant thats a relief but its the sort of situation where she has to think about her own sexuality in the scenerio shes #queer and how Jimmy affect her. Its addressing it with Curly who may get it but maybe she gets it too much maybe its hard to hear about Jim #cause for all she knew Jimmy was straight and now she has to think of all the odd conversations and nights they shared beds and maybe #feelings she had but she has to focus on putting Anya first but what does she do? Outing someone is bad but this can be dismmised?#Would the pony express just punish both anya and jimmy and curly what if theres a dont ask dont tell policy? what if they dont care cause #they are all women. its not an issue if its just girls not getting along after “experimenting”. Back to male Anya and female Jimmy they wil #assume it was consensual and anya just doesnt want the kid often that is pushed on male rape narratives. Jimmy is pregnant and on edge #does Curly also have to factor in the child? I feel like the feast scene would be Jimmy delusionally thinking Curly is helping support the #child i mean he is the most well off the bread winner he puts food on the table he is the food! Would polle being Anya talk about how Jimmy #doesnt have it in her to foster a child to support one emotionally without damage? Why so focused on making Curly the idealized male #or provider in her life when she went after him? For female Curly is it envy that she did this to herself and Curly has even more prospects #than her now? What if Anya was fawning because he didn't want the kid but hated the idea of Jimmy killing it to spite him? Or perhaps using #it as a means of control because even if he doesn't want it i doubt he wants it to be punished or abused. It is a burden something no one #wanted but it is being fostered five months in and Jimmys showing a bump and Anya cant ignore all the implications of it being born to her #maybe he kills himself to avoid living in a world its subjected to that pain to to save himself from it. GOD the pills with Curly are worse #for male Anya fem!Curly because its so much more direct he cant shove something down a womans throat who is clearly unwilling it makes #him feel like Jimmy to watch her struggle against him and he cant do it and with Jimmy it is so much more direct about a mother feeding #theri child and abusing it like the nuance if any gender flipping was canon would tear this fandom apart now imma thinking crazy about this #thanks skull anon like really ur asks get me thinking #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #💀 anon #ask #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #captain curly #nurse anya #anya mouthwashing

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